I’ve learned to live half a life , a ghost , a distant shadow that fades away from affection the last few months . I’ve distanced Myself from offering arms , yet I yearn for a reassuring embrace . But why ? I find myself questioning my motions , no hesitation , I’m my very own hypercrit, stealing away from myself what I actually need . Whether It’s out of fear or pure stubbornness , this is what I need right now . Self preservation . Many nights I lay my head down to sleep and the sounds and vibrations of words enter my mind , louder than my breath , in no particular order , sentences run through the treadmill of my mind , speeding up the more passionate it becomes . Yet those words , those thoughts make very little sense if they are written out in front of me . A box of jumble sale odds and sods , no connection to one another , no combination of words that could explain the shoe box of intwined emotions photographed upon my mind . Tomorrow night , the same scene, there’s never enough time inbetween the thoughts and my dreams . Like a flash light , it’s gone .